Standing Tall

Bizarro is brought to you today by Hurricane Damage.
As I've mentioned on this here ding dang blog thang before, I'm putting together a book of super hero cartoons. This is the latest addition to the project, hope you get a smile out of it.

I did another "standing erect" cartoon about cavemen some years ago that, although it is not obscene by any means, is too "adult" to run in the nation's funny papers. It's not a hysterical classic by any means, but I like it and offer it here for your discerning eyes.

Until tomorrow: Stand tall, friends.

God in Nature

This is a special posting about an unusual phenomenon called to my attention by a regular reader in Minnesota, whom I'll call "Charles."

It seems that on the day the cartoon below appeared in the paper, Charles saw the face of Jesus in it. He described this to me by email and asked if I'd done it intentionally. I politely told him no and that I couldn't figure out what he was talking about.

















He sent me this explanation but I still could not see it and was content to write him off as one of the legions of mentally unbalanced people who follow Bizarro.











Finally, just out of curiosity, I backed way off from the computer and took my glasses off. With the proper distance and blur it came into focus, so to speak.

Below is a version I've doctored with an orange outline which describes the shape I believe he saw. It's a fairly unconventional version of Jesus, but perhaps this is how our Minnesota friend sees him. Or, perhaps "He" just has a wacky side.




















Charles later told me that the morning he witnessed the divine vision he had a bad case of flu and was not wearing his glasses. I couldn't help but wonder how many times this has happened people reading Garfield or Apartment 3G.

Let this be a warning to us all about viewing the funny pages in poor health and without the proper optical aids.


For more images of the almighty, click on the words "God's wrath" in the previous post.
Many thanks to Chuck Strinz for bringing this to my attention. Check out his video production company, Back On The Mississippi and his current PBS project, Museums of Minnesota.

Shrink Me Please

Bizarro is brought to you today by Hairy Children.

Psychiatry is likely one of the top 10 most common gag cartoon topics. I've always liked them and have done who-knows-how-many dozens, maybe hundreds. I have always liked them, even before I ever visited a therapist.

I've never gone to a psychiatrist, but I've seen a few psychologists and other kinds of counselors and I really enjoy it. I only go when I'm in crisis mode or trying to figure out the solution to a specific problem like a romantic relationship issue, whether I should quit my day job and go for a movie career, what the furniture in my studio is trying to tell me when it screams incomprehensibly, etc.

I have an appointment later today, in fact, and am really looking forward to it. We (my therapist and I) are on the verge of a major breakthrough in the area of irrational outbursts of anger. Once we get past that, we may be able to get to my problems. (rim shot) Wish me luck!

I like my current therapist because he offers a lot of feedback and suggestions. I've had the kind that don't say anything, just lead me through my thoughts with questions that are meant to enable me to solve my own problems. That sort is little more than a really expensive bartender without liquor.

World Wrestling

(You: Is there a way to make this image larger? It is kind of blurry.
Me: Click on it.)

Bizarro is made possible by a grant from The Flying Fat Man Foundation.

The common perception of Atlas holding up the earth is inaccurate–according to Greek myth, Atlas was made to bear the weight of the heavens, not Earth as punishment for wrecking Zeus's car. The heavens were commonly illustrated as a celestial sphere, which is commonly misconstrued as the earth. Yes, this will be on the test.

Still, cartoons are based on common knowledge and cliches, so in drawing a cartoon about Atlas holding up the earth, you're faced with how to draw what Atlas is standing on. Here, I chose to make it a nebulous region of space. The whole concept of the Earth needing to be held up so it doesn't fall is flawed, of course. This first occurred to me when I was a child–where would the Earth fall to? And what would Atlas be standing on?

From an early age I was always trying to make sense of myths and religion (one man's myth is another man's religion and vice versa). As a kid in Catholic school I often asked questions like George Carlin's famous example: If God can do anything, can he make a rock so big that even He can't lift it?

Associating two costumed characters of legendary strength, here I have a luchador holding up the earth for Atlas while he runs and errand. In Greek myth, it was Heracles (Hercules) who took a shift. I like the absurdity of lucha libre costumes and use luchadores in my fine art fairly frequently, too.

Below is a cartoon I did back in the day that addresses the issue of Atlas's position under the Earth. It's one of my favorites from my early career. You may notice that the coloring is much different and a bit primitive. It was done before cartoonists were doing their own coloring on computer, so we had to designate on tracing paper where what colors went, then send them to a company to create film for the color separations. I always just crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. This one didn't turn out too badly, but it looks much different than it would today.

All these years later, I still think this is a pretty good gag. As usual, click the image for a clearer view. Of course, this image presents its own logic difficulties: What keeps Atlas's skirt from falling down? (up)

Pi Day

(click the funny funny picture to make it bigger, clearer)

This special edition of Bizarro is brought to you by Pi.

Because today is March 14th (3/14), math nerds everywhere (like me) are celebrating Pi Day. Sometimes confused with Pie Day, which is on January 23rd, today's variety refers to the magical math number 3.1415blahblahblah, which is called "pi" by those of us in the know.

There are lots of things you can do with pi, like figure out something about a circle or time travel or something. It's been a while since I was in a math class, but I remember it was really useful.

For you history buffs, "pi" was first invented by the people who built Stonehenge, which is really just a bunch of them stuck together.

Burqa Biz

(click image to big it)

Bizarro is brought to you today by Too Much Yoga.

This is the third cartoon about burqas I've done in the past few years and the first one I've published that didn't attract any negative mail.

A friend of mine mused one day, "what happens when you sneeze inside a burqa?" and it sparked this cartoon idea. As I've mentioned on this blog before, I offer Bizarro in both strip and panel format, to make it easier for papers to find a place for it. I design and draw them with the vertical panel in mind, then scan them into Photoshop and convert the art to strip format from there. I usually prefer the panel version, but this is one of those rare cases where I think the strip works better.

I got home from Indianapolis last night and am happy to be back, even though Brooklyn is cold and gray today. But the nice thing about working from home is that I don't have to leave the building if I don't like the weather. Also, I don't have to go outside to have a cigar, as I did while staying at the Residence Inn in Indy last week.

It's the little things that make life worth living.

Death Takes a Holiday

This special Xmas edition of Bizarro is brought to you by Last Minute Gift Ideas.

The photo above is from CHNW's and my 2007 holiday email. We took this picture in Montreal in the beautiful and huge cemetery up on Mount Royal, for which the city is named. It isn't Photoshopped, we came across the head stone just as it appears and put our camera on timer to make the picture. As an inveterate hater of Christmas and the entire tacky season, I could scarcely believe my good fortune.

We searched for hours looking for other gravestones with names of other things we wished were dead like "Neo-Con," "Factory Farms," "Fox News Network," and "Reality Shows," to no avail. For some reason, they don't place them alphabetically.

The cartoon posted today is from several years ago and is one of my personal favorites. I published it on Xmas two years in a row and it was very popular both times. I got complaint letters both times, too, of course, from people who thought I was making fun of their heroes, missing the point of the cartoon entirely.

I'm going up to Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary for a dandy holiday with a nice big wad of friends. Hope your holiday is as groovy as the Monkees in 1969.

Magical Time of Year

Bizarro is brought to you today by The War on Christmas.

Today's cartoon is from this time last year and is one of my favorites. I like the gag but I also like that people on both sides of the holiday fence can relate to it.

Long before I was interested in politics I wondered about the contradiction of "separation of church and state" and national holidays like Xmas. Constitutionally, this is clearly not a "Christian nation," as so many right-wingers are fond of calling it, but at the same time we have many laws and government customs that are based entirely on Christianity. Maybe there is a reason other than the Bible that I'm missing, but why can't a person have more than one legal spouse, as long as all spouses are consenting adults? Why is Xmas a legal holiday for government workers, but Yom Kippur is only a holiday if you're Jewish? And the most significant current example of course, is our denial of basic rights to gay couples.

Each year I get one of those Christmas War emails that people circulate about how "it's a Christmas tree, not a Holiday tree, not a Hannukah bush, not a Quanza" something-or-other... I usually respond by sending to the same list an explanation about the pagan origins of what is now called a Christmas tree. If you're going to be sanctimonious, seems you should at least have the facts.

Most rational people don't take this so-called "war on Christmas" seriously, but those who do fear the loss of their right to use government facilities and funds to celebrate their religion publically. But there are always loopholes. One can always resort to "Mary and the Magic Baby."

Bulging Artists

Bizarro is brought to you today by Creepy Grandpas.

Roger Clemens and his drug problem were back in the news this week so I thought I'd post my cartoon from this time last year. Yes, that's supposed to be me on the left and yes, I actually do have one impossibly huge and over-developed hand and no, it isn't from too many years as a single guy. (That tends to develop the wrist and elbow muscles.)

In spite of what this cartoon implies, performance-enhancing drugs are not illegal for cartoonists so I can admit without fear of prosecution that I've taken plenty: Ibuprofen, yerba mate, coffee, single-malt scotch, fine tequila, cigars, anti-depressants, and high-cocoa-content chocolate.

Speaking of performance, I just noticed that I neglected to draw the backs or legs for the chairs the characters would be sitting on. That means they're just squatting at the table, pretending they have chairs. That kind of muscle control would not be possible without performance-enhancing drugs, even for a drawing.

Preaching

Bizarro is brought to you today by Holidays of the Future.

Each year I am nauseated by the hypocritical practice of pardoning a turkey at Thanksgiving. As legend has it, Lincoln started this because his son had become attached to a turkey living on the White House grounds and didn't want to see it killed. Now modern-day presidents do it with a smirk on their face and a wink to the crowd.

The latest Palin debacle last week was among the most egregious "pardons" in recent memory. While she interviewed on camera afterward, a local yocal was slaughtering turkeys ten feet behind her. The media jumped on this as a foolish and insensitive thing to do, and it was, but who are we kidding? In spite of the pocketful of turkeys who are pardoned by various politicians each year, millions of turkeys meet their painful death for this day of "thanks" and season of "peace on earth."

I know that most Americans do not share my views on the rights of all animals to live a life free of unnatural molestation (a mouse dying at the hands of a cat is natural, billions of animals confined in cages and crates being butchered alive each year for the sake of human taste buds and profit is not) but why are we so careful to spare ourselves the sight of our actions? If you're going to eat these creatures, have the integrity to watch some videos of the process they endure and you subsidize. Then get to know one in an unstressed environment, like a sanctuary, and tell me you still feel entitled to torture them to death for a few moments of sensory pleasure. (Especially when there are delicious alternatives.) These animals are sensitive, affectionate, individual beings who know fear, pain, love, grief, comfort and terror. Just like you.

"It's natural. They aren't like us. That's what they're here for. It's tradition. It's always been this way. The economy depends on it."
Exactly what most white Americans would have said about slavery and African Americans 200 years ago. Tradition is no excuse for abuse.

Sorry for the rant, this season of hypocracy brings out the worst in me. I promise the next post will be about humor.

Scary Costumes

(Want it big? Click the cartoon!)

Bizarro is brought to you by the new book by A. Merica, "Dodging a Bullet: How Voters Finally Woke the F*ck Up and Saved Me From the Abyss."

This cartoon ran a couple days after Halloween and is based on the same theme I used last year at this time, but with different costumes and punch lines, of course. It was SO hard to avoid obvious costumes like "President Sarah Palin," nothing could be scarier than that, but I have to keep Bizarro from overtly attacking specific political parties. Yes, it is hard.

The title panel that went with this cartoon in some markets was fun, I think. It's a portrait studio picture of me when I was a kid (I think I was about 17 in this picture) that I have used regularly for Bizarro. My dad tells me that Mom gets a kick out of seeing it in the paper, but wishes I wouldn't "mess it up" with my humorous additions. When she said that, I think she was specifically referring to the three-eyed alien version I sometimes use.

Throw Out the Vote

Bizarro is brought to you today by Political Justice.

This classic Bizarro appeared in papers days before the last presidential election in '04, and it is my favorite political cartoon I've ever done. At that time, Rove was in full swing as liar-in-chief for W's reelection campaign.

When this first ran, I received a few emails from angry readers who were still on the Bush bandwagon. Amazingly, one of them whose email was particularly vitriolic, wrote back the next year when a lot of info about Rove and Scooter Libby were in the news, and apologized for his original email. He had seen the light.

Rove is one of my least favorite humans in the world. Though dirty tricks have never been unusual in politics, he has taken them to new levels, finding ways to blatantly lie to the American public in ways that play to people's most base qualities of bigotry and fear, thus getting them to vote against their own interests to avoid an imagined threat. McCain was a victim of this kind of campaigning when he lost the nomination to Bush, but now uses the same tactics against Obama with robo-calls that attempt to convince voters that he is everything from a terrorist sympathizer to a Manchurian Candidate. The examples linked above are not necessarily Rove's creations, of course, but he has inspired this environment of ends-justifies-the-means sort of campaigning.

Yes, as some of you are saying right now, the Democrats have done their share of lying. But the facts will verify that nothing along the order of Rove's tactics are as ubiquitous among Democratic campaigns as they have become in Republican ones.

It seems now that most of America is rebelling against this kind of abuse of power, as McCain continues to plummet in the polls and shows on the Fox News Channel's ratings are experiencing a distinct downward slide. Let's all pray it sticks, before the Neo-Cons take our country into the Third World for good.

Unless it is already too late.

On another note, when this cartoon first came out, something in my schedule prohibited me from being able to color it myself. There is a default system in place when this happens and the syndication company has a unit that colors cartoons for artists. Some artists use this service routinely, instead of coloring their work themselves. You can see from this example how the colors in this version look much more like the average daily comics.

So Many Things Wrong

(Click the cartoon to make a huge size of it)
Today' Bizarro is brought to you by You Betcha' Family Planning Clinic.

This cartoon is an old motif that I came up with in the 90s and have been meaning to get back to. It is a parody of the Whats-wrong-with-this-picture? games that I used to love so much in Highlights magazine as a kid. Except with my version, you can't possibly guess the answers.

It's always very tempting to get extremely political with this kind of image, but as Bizarro is not sold as a political strip, I have to refrain from taking real punches. I'm always tempted to put something like "Family in trailer thinks Fox News Channel is an actual news channel," or "Bowling ball has higher I.Q. than those who believe Obama is a muslim."

These two links are of a couple of the past ones I've done. Back in the 90s I used to do lots of puzzle and game parodies and would love to get back to it. Most of the ones I did back then are in my retrospective book, Bizarro and Other Strange Manifestations of the Art of Dan Piraro.

Have I mentioned that this book makes an excellent gift for all occasions?

Cheeks

Today's Bizarro cartoon is brought to you by Taboos and Interdictions International.

Here is another cartoon that never appeared in Bizarro. As uppity as most of us Americans were about the offense that some Muslims took to the Danish cartoon featuring Mohammed, there are similar attitudes against cartoons about Jesus in this country.

Most comics editors will allow cartoons about god, angels, Satan, Buddha, Hindu gods, etc., but Jesus is off limits. This isn't a stated policy, they just know that large numbers of their readership will go ballistic and they'll lose time dealing with their protestations, so they decline the gag and ask for a replacement.

I'm not a fan of any religion because, to put it simply, I think they make people crazy. (Believing in invisible people with magic powers isn't what you could really call "not crazy.") Many of the wars fought throughout human history would not have occurred were it not for religion, most terrorist acts are committed in the name of religion, and without religion, you'd be hard-pressed to find a volunteer for a suicide mission.

There is no answer to this, of course. You can outlaw it, but it wouldn't change the human need to see patterns and ascribe meaning. There is a part of us that is crazy and will never be anything else.

Meanwhile, how funny would it be if a boxer believed in turning the other cheek? Hahahahaha!

Obsessive Humor

Bizarro is brought to you today by Censorship International. "Hey! You can't do that!"

As I mentioned yesterday, I accidentally left my current cartoons at home so I'm using stuff that is on my laptop, hence the date of this cartoon.

This is one that never ran in the papers because it was feared that people with OCD would rise up against newspaper editors all across the land and cause trouble for me. One might be tempted to say, "Don't give in, Dan. To hell with them if they can't take a joke." But editors don't like losing a day of work answering angry emails, letters and phone calls and may decide to replace Bizarro with a less controversial clone. That would be bad for me. So this isn't really censorship as much as it is my personal editor advising me against it and me agreeing.

I experienced a bit of this last week when I ran a cartoon about dyslexia. I didn't lose any papers over it (that I know of), but some folks complained. I have OCD and dyslexia in my family (and a touch of OCD myself) so I feel I have the right to poke a little fun at me and mine. Humor is an age-old human device for getting through tough times and situations, so I am not as sensitive about it as many people apparently are. God knows that vegans get regularly grilled in humor venues of all kinds, but I take it with grain of salt (or a salt lick) and laugh at myself and my kind. My folks taught me that. Laughing at ridicule and teasing takes the fun out of it for the other guy, and the sting out of it for you.

The blog is good for this kind of cartoon, which will likely never see wider publication. Glad I had this opportunity to share it with you, hope no one has taken time off from checking the door locks and stove handles to get offended.

Jerky

Today's Bizarro is brought to you by My Faulty Brain.

Hello from Sunny San Diego, my BizarroBlogBuddies. Just before I left my estate in Brooklyn yesterday, I loaded all the appropriate cartoons that I would need to continue posting on this blog onto a little dealy-bobber stick so I could bring them with me. Then I left the dealy-bobber stick in my computer at home. What I have learned from this experience is that dealy-bobber sticks, no matter how well-designed, do not work at a distance of 2400 miles.

So I'm posting this older cartoon, which happens to be one of my faves from last year, because it was already on my laptop. 

Okay, kids, I'm off to the Comic Con to see strange people in stranger outfits. Next week I'll post a blog with my own pics from this year's show and a ridiculous running comentary.

I hope you like this panel and are not going to be a jerk about it.

Bubble Court

Bizarro is brought to you today by Where The Hell? Industries. "Answering the question, 'Where the Hell did THAT come from?' since 1985."

In all modesty, let me say that I love this gag. I have no idea where it came from or why, it just fell out of my head when I leaned over my drawing table to write gags one morning , and I giggled.

It features one of my favorite cartoon tricks, to draw a picture that at first glance looks like something familiar, and at closer inspection is something entirely different. I didn't invent this trick, of course, I've just always loved it.

Below is perhaps my favorite example of it of my entire career. Tonto points at smoke signals in the distance. Or does he?












Click on the image to biggerize it and get the full effect.

I included this cartoon in the retrospective-of-my-career-so-far book, Bizarro and Other Strange Manifestations of the Art of Dan Piraro. If you like me or my work, it's a must-have book. I'm not saying that just because I want to sell the books (without decent sales numbers, you can't keep publshing), but because it honestly is a great book for people who like my work. Lots of unpublished paintings, sketches, photos, as well as my favorite cartoons from over the years, a humorous autobiography (that I wrote myself!), stories from my comedy show tours, controversial opinions about everything from tofu to our ravaged nation, you name it.

Order a case or two here. You and your descendants will thank me.