Yes, this joke is a bit adolescent, but at least I didn't use a basketball. I do have some restraint. Nor did I use a baseball, which, come to think of it, might have been funnier. A golf ball would have been too small to read legibly, as would a hockey puck, which is not "cup shaped" even when cut in half. If her husband were hooked on watching sumo wrestling, I'd have no idea how to illustrate a sports bra for that.
Still, lots of people like visual puns, that's how Carrot Top got rich, and I like to cater to my entire readership, not just the sophisticated humor connoisseurs who frequent this blog.
This kind of simple word play where you combine the names of two things and create a third thing is very common, I know. Maybe there's even a name for this process, if anyone knows of one, please leave it in the comments section. Or make one up.
What made this one appealing to me was the deadpan humor of a whale with a two-way wrist TV that he can't possibly see from his vantage point. Plus the tiny hat. I also like to render underwater scenes, so all that added together made for a green light.
As I look at this thing this morning, I can't find the 5 symbols that the number by the signature says there are supposed to be. I only found four. So here's another version with one added. If someone finds all five in the original, let me know.
The most funnest part of this comic was the drawing. Even though drawings like this are tedious and time consuming, both to research and to draw, I always really enjoy the final product. (For you technique buffs, I should mention that the entire drawing is done with a small brush, even the lettering, and I use no straightedge of any kind.)
I like this gag and its soft parody of the stupendously transparent propaganda tool of the Bushies. As any scientist will tell you, a human's ability to reason is seriously compromised by fear. Ergo, if you keep the people frightened, it takes them longer to figure out you're screwing them. It's an age-old political trick but still works like a charm. Most recently, it worked on Americans for 8 years. Some are still trying it.
I've included the strip version of this one, too, since it required a lot of extra art and fenagling. My favorite part of the strip version is the anatomical heart on the sign in the back. What is that company selling? I have no idea what the Japanese type on all these signs says, I just borrowed stuff from signs I found on the Internets. For all I know, they could say (insert your own joke here.) (As always, click the image to colossalize it.)
Finally, I got this email from a reader:
How dare you !?!?!
Rodan is easily a higher priority than Mothra. He's older ( released after Godzilla and before Mothra to terrorize us in our movie theaters ), leatherier and gnarleyier.
My sincere apologies to this or any other reader who was offended by my rankings. I was rating them by how often I'd heard their name. I hope that I have not offended Rodan or his followers.
DISCLAIMER: The writer of the above email was not serious, he was actually taking a self-deprecating jab at his own obsession with Japanese movie monsters. Taken out of context, though, it's much funnier. Saying the Security Alert System is a tool of propaganda does not mean I don't there is any danger of another terrorist attack, it is only to say that there isn't anything the average person or society can gain from this rainbow bogeyman thermometer. My apology to followers of Rodan was tongue-in-cheek, if you really were offended by this you need professional help, possibly medication, definitely a girlfriend.
I am a fan of air hockey, regular hockey, and fighting, so this cartoon appeals to me in many ways. I like the general concept that since hockey leads to fights, if you're playing air hockey your fight would logically consist of trying to blow each other down. (The last word in that sentence is the most important.)
People who are not fans of hockey often question why there is so much fighting. It is not gratuitous, as is often surmised, it actually serves an important purpose. A good friend of mine some years ago came up with a theory about this that I've adhered to ever since: Hockey is arguably the most difficult sport in the world to play as it requires very high levels of disparate skills.
1. You must change direction quickly and constantly while standing on ice 2. You have knife blades strapped to your shoes 3. You must control a rock-hard disk moving at lightening speed on a slippery surface with a bent stick 4. You are being pushed and slammed into by other knife-shoe-wearers covered in armor traveling at very high speeds
It's sort of like combining surgery with dodge 'em cars. Just when you're about to suture that aorta closed, somebody slams into you from behind and ruins the whole thing. Again.
Doing all of this at once is very difficult and, by definition, very frustrating. Every now and then you have to blow off some steam. So the refs let the surgeons swing away at each other for a few seconds before they break them up. Then they send them each to a little room (penalty box) to think about what they've done or take a short nap.
Leaving the topic of hockey fights behind, I just noticed a grievous error in the art of this cartoon. The perspective on the hockey table is way off. The brown outside border of the table is more or less in line with itself, but the three black lines in the middle of the table are hideously askew. That's very unlike me to not notice and fix such a visual faux pas, but perhaps I was in a hurry or drunk. Or maybe one of my hockey pals was slamming me against the boards while I tried to work. Anything is possible at Bizarro International Headquarters.
Simply put, some people care about their health, some don't. You can preach till you're blue in the face about health and nutrition to some folks and it just doesn't matter. That's fine, I don't really care if other people are healthy or not. I figure diet is just another type of natural selection.
If you happen to care about your health, however, what you eat is the single most important area of focus. Fill a Lamborghini with high quality fuel and you've got a race car. Fill it with corn syrup, it's up on blocks.
Most people know by now that corn syrup is bad for you. It's not because it's full of cancer-causing chemicals (like grilled chicken) as much as that it is incredibly fattening and it is in virtually all processed foods. Even stuff you might think is good for you.
Other things to eliminate from your diet or eat in moderation: nails, glass, burning coals, explosives, plastics, battery acid, batteries, animal protein, lead, mercury, urine, cyanide, turpentine, anything Rush Limbaugh eats, road signs, scissors.
I'm a vegan but I'm not a huge health nut. I enjoy the health benefits of a vegan diet, which are numerous, but I am vegan for ethical reasons (animal compassion, environment), not for my own health. I stay away from products with corn syrup because I like being thin, but it does not contain animal products, so it is technically vegan. Some people assume veganism is a starvation diet and we're all thin. Not true. I know plenty of vegans and they come in all sizes from shoestring to blimp. Soda pop, french fries, peanut butter – all vegan, all fattening.
True, vegans are less likely to be overweight than the average American who eats anything that tastes good, but that is more because they are already paying close attention to what they eat so they tend to eat healthier. Animal products are inherently more fattening than plant products, so you're already halfway there just by cutting those out.
A blog reader brought to my attention a commercial about corn syrup that has been parodied to humorous effect. Here is the original:
Here is one of the many spoofs (there are other good ones, too, check them all out):
Here is a boring but true video about corn syrup's actual health benefits and dangers:
DISCLAIMER: I have nothing against corn in it's natural state–it is good for you, in spite of what some carb-o-phobics will tell you. I am not making fun of Rush Limbaugh because he is fat–there are so many things wrong with him that I cannot possibly list them all here. I am not making fun of fat people in general, unless they are fans of Rush Limbaugh. If the videos above don't work, go to YouTube and search "corn syrup commercial." I eat french fries and peanut butter in moderation, they are two of my favorite things to put in my mouth.
World-famous cartoonist, Dan Piraro, at a Halloween party in 1991 wearing a costume of his own design, holding a baby who was not. (of his own design)
Okay, I'm putting myself on the line here by telling you I'm involved in an auction. I say "on the line" because if nobody bids to have lunch with me, I'll look very unpopular, at least with people who have easy access to NYC and are willing to pay over a $200 to have lunch with somebody who is not a prostitute or an elected official. Not including food.
Come to think of it, that's seems pretty steep. Now I feel a lot of pressure to be enchanting and fabulous at lunch, if someone does bid. Why do I get myself into these things?
It's for a good cause, so bid away, even if you have no intention of meeting me for lunch. Here's my auction: Lunch with a Loser Here's the other auctions for the same charity: People More Famous Than Dan Piraro
Judging by the emails I got, this was a very popular cartoon. I'm sorry to say I didn't write it, it's another idea from my strange friend, Derek. Sometimes I change his ideas a bit to make a cartoon, but this one is pretty much just as he wrote it. My only contribution is the drawing. Many thanks to Derek for his continuing input.
Today is St. Patrick's Day. All over America there are drunks wearing various forms of green, from everyday items of clothing to vomit. I'm partly Irish on my mother's side, but haven't celebrated St. Pat's Day in many years. I used to love this holiday in elementary school, when we made great sport of inflicting painful pinches on the poor slobs who forgot to wear green that day. My mom, who is a notoriously good sport with more than her share of a wacky streak, would let my 9 sisters and I draw a green shamrock on our cheek with what we called in those days a "Flair pen." Seems tame by today's standards, but in the Catholic school I attended in the sixties, that was as outrageous as going to school in drag. Oh, the memories.
My first inkling that it was St. Patty's today came this afternoon while on one of my rare forays outside Bizarro International Headquarters in Brooklyn when I saw a man in a green Scottish getup carrying a bass drum with a big green shamrock on it. I'm not sure what kilts have to do with the Irish, but he seemed to be having fun.
CHNW and I are celebrating quietly at home in our traditional manner, painting potatoes green and hiding them in tailpipes around the 'hood.
Bizarro is made possible today by Eternal Honeymoon Lingerie.
