Bizarro Tribute

It's always nice when other cartoon strips pay tribute to Bizarro. Thanks to John for pointing this out.

Porn Star Encounter

While cleaning the employee lounge at Bizarro International Headquarters, a member of my janitorial crew came across this photo of me and Ron Jeremy, possibly the world's most famous male porn star.

We met at a party at the Playboy Mansion and though I had no idea who he was, he is a big fan of mine and begged me to take a picture with him. I'm a friendly, humble guy, in spite of my tremendous celebrity, so I accepted.

Mr. Jeremy is mostly retired from porn now, but in the 70s, he was the king. I've not actually seen any of his films and am not even sure if they are available on DVD, having mostly been filmed in the daguerreotype technology of the day.

Like pretty much all famous male porn stars, his claim to fame is the result of a singular genetic condition that, shall we say, sometimes makes it difficult to find slacks that fit properly.

I, too, have trouble finding slacks that fit, but it is because my wallet is so hugely stuffed with money.

Presidential Sweet

Bizarro is brought to you today by Painful Shoe Company.

I'll be honest with you, I think this is a dull joke. When you have to pull a new joke out of your hat 365 days a year for more than two decades, they can't all be brilliant. It isn't classic, but I figured maybe somebody out there who's recently been squooshed by the ponderously heavy elephant feet of the Republican economy might get a little smile out of it. Not that squooshed people are inclined to smile.

So instead, let's change the subject. A friend of mine sent me the following picture of Barack and Michelle on the campaign trail. I'd seen this pic before but hadn't noticed anything unusual about it. My friend, however, noticed that in the bottom right-hand corner of the newspaper B is reading is my cartoon! (click on the picture for a larger view!)

I can't tell if that's really my cartoon or not, but for the sake of shallow fantasies, I'm going to say it is. YES! BARACK OBAMA READS BIZARRO!

Spread the word, we'll check the facts later.

Gimp Goat Gets Gift!

My good friends and cohorts at Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary are on the front page of the Metro section of today's New York Times! Here is the more legible online article.

What they didn't mention is that we have over a hundred animals under our care, we offer fun and friendly tours all Spring and Summer (are those words supposed to be capitalized? I think not, but it always seems to me that they deserve it. Winter, no, but Spring and Summer? HELL yes!) and that we are raising money to build a small medical facility for our critters. At present, Doug and Jenny are treating these guys in the foyer of their home. What a drag. Click here for info on how to toss a couple dollars at a good cause. I can personally guarantee that every penny of your dough will go to the critters. No misappropriation of funds here, I assure you!

Here's a dandy picture of the original board members who built the farm, along with many valuable and saintly volunteers. From left to right, Sergio La Vaca (star of Spanish children's TV show, "El Mono Loco!"), CHNW, Jenny Brown with Robin the chicken, Dawn Ladd with Brandy the rooster, Doug Abel with Elmo the pitchfork, and Haley is the shy goat in the back.

Come visit us this year and meet the critters. You won't be sorry and you'll have a little less bad karma to burn off when you die.

Two-Wheeler

I'm a big fan of bicycles and scooters and buzz the streets of NYC on both each week. A reader of this blog who has a bike blog of his own, recently posted some pics of me and my vehicles (or "babies," as I call them when we're alone) and I wanted to share them with you.

Here is a small part of a photo of me and my wacky Copenhagen bike that Jon posted on his site. Can you even tell what it is? Hint: that black thing is protruding from my crotch. Check it out at the link below, to see if you were right.

Also on his site is a pic of me and CHNW on our Vespa. I bought it new in 1981 and have been its only owner – very rare for an old-school scooter these days. A comment in a previous post labeled me as "crazy" for riding it in NYC. Most people think so, but the truth might surprise you. Because traffic here is heavy, it tends not to move very quickly. I usually find myself cruising along at 30mph, passing the cars stuck in traffic. Also, NYC is filled with so many pedestrians, bicycle messengers, scooters, motorcycles, rollerbladers, etc, that all drivers are constantly on high alert not to kill someone. So in the end, this is the safest place I've ever ridden. Much safer than my previous Dallas location, where traffic often moves very fast and the roads are full of SUV-driving Soccer Moms who seem not to notice anything smaller than a Lincoln Navigator. I was nearly killed on a weekly basis there.
http://grinderswheels.blogspot.com/

CNN Scrapes The Barrel's Bottom

For Earth Day, King Features asked its cartoonists to do a cartoon on the environment. CNN did a story on those of us who complied and since I live in NYC, I was lucky enough to get tapped for an on-screen interview. Of the couple of hours of footage they got while making my house look like a crime scene with blazing bright lights and equipment trucks, they used only a couple of quick sound bites, of course. I'm happy they used the one about animal agriculture being more damaging to the environment than all transportation. (See link beneath video for more info.)

Here is a picture of me mesmerized by my own image, and a video clip of my interview, which I taped right off the TV with my digital camera. Most of my family missed the original airing of the show, so I'm hoping the CNN police will let me keep this on here for a while.

For the record, I don't normally look as much like a serial killer nerd as I do in this clip. Sitting five feet from a bank of 1900 watt bulbs on stilts will do that to a guy.


combined.http://www.un.org/apps/news/story.asp?NewsID=20772&Cr=global&Cr1=environment

Questions for ME

Here's a link to an interview I did with a photographer dude recently. Yo, check it.
http://ekwimmer.blogspot.com/2008/04/10-questions-with-dan-piraro.html

Me and Bill Maher

As you can see from the picture, Bill Maher and I are close. Really close. Less than two feet away. If you're jealous, I don't blame you. Being BFF with Bill is a dream come true for so many Americans and I just feel so darned fortunate to be the one he chose. Can life get any better?

Maybe, but it could also get a lot worse. Like if Bill Maher saw this post and demanded I remove it because I lied about being his BFF. That would be worse.

So I'll come clean. My Crazy Half-Nekked Wife and I were at the annual Humane Society's Genesis Awards last weekend in Beverly Hills and sat next to Maher at our banquet table. It was just as exciting as you might imagine, but without the excitement.

We're big fans of his, but in a situation like this, in order to be cool you have to act like you're not. Even saying "big fan, Bill" seems kind of cheesy. Like something a Rush Limbaugh listener from Topeka would do if he met that pumpkin-headed, lying blowhard just before he raised his shirt up and asked him to sign his beer gut. So you try to make casual conversation and pretend to be interested in other people at the table, too. Our table was actually pretty cool, (thanks to Karen Dawn, author of the soon-to-be-published "Thanking the Monkey") so it was easy to do, but I didn't find a way to gracefully tell him I think his show is genius. And I didn't find a casual way to explain that I think his imput is essential to political awareness in America. And I wasn't able to mention that I'd let him spend the weekend with my Crazy Half-Nekked Wife if he'd invite me to be a guest on his show. And what a terrific guest I'd make, don't you agree?

I'm far above asking my friends and readers to write in to Real Time With Bill Maher (http://www.hbo.com/corpinfo/faq.shtml)and ask them to consider me as a guest, but if they did, boy, that would be a special thing that I would remember for as long as I could.

Lots of cool celebs are animal rights folks and many were in attendance that night, as they are every year. Among those I've met at Genesis Awards shows are Alicia Silverstone, Daryl Hannah, James Cromwell, Persia White("Girlfriends"), Debra Skelton (Debra Wilson of "Mad TV"), Loretta Swit, Alec Baldwin, Ed Asner, Ed Begley Jr., Elayne Boosler, Tippi Hedren, Rue McClanahan, Mary Tyler Moore, Ally Sheedy, Heather Mills, Linda Blair, Emil Deschanel ("Bones"), Steve Valentine ("Crossing Jordan"), Rory Freedman (author of "Skinny Bitch," good friend of mine and CHNWife, and total babe!), Kyle MacLachlan, Ben Stein, Nellie McKay, Carol Leifer, Hayden Panettiere ("Heroes") and some others I can't remember right now. It's a great party every year! Here's more info if you care: http://www.hsus.org/about_us/offices_and_affiliates/hsus_hollywood_office/the_genesis_awards/22nd-genesis-awards/


King of the after-party dancefloor busts a move with Rory Freedman. (I told you she's a babe!)

Where was Crazy Half-Nekked Wife while I was booty shaking with Rory? Dirty dancing with Bob Zmuda, of Andy Kaufman fame. Not all vegans are buzzkills, my peeps.

And another thing

The blog below this one about marriage and weddings is the one I wrote to you about today. But here are a few general facts I need to mention also.

I was mentioned in the first paragraph of an article in the Feb issue of GQ on page 73. I'm still really thrilled by this kind of thing. That's how you can tell that I'm not "really" famous.

Here is a link to a video interview of me at the Purple Onion, a couple hours before my show there a couple weeks ago. Michael Capozzola – cartoonist, stand-up comic, and PR guy extraordinaire – is the interviewer.
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/detail?blogid=3&entry_id=24596

I was featured in the March-May issue of Australian publication Vegan Voice magazine. Subscribe here and support compassion down under!
http://veganic.net/

Thanks for indulging my fragile ego!
Smooches,
3 thighs