Back Neck Tattoo: Swallow Tattoo

Upper back and neck tattoo of a swallow and cross tattoo design.

"Swallow Tattoo" originally uploaded by Nowhere Fast Tattoo.

Old School Script Letters Tattoo

"Old School Script Letter Tattoo" originally uploaded by by Benoit.P.

Foot Tattoos: Hibiscus and Turtle Tattoo

Foot tattoo of a beautiful hibiscus flower and Hawaiian honu turtle. The turtle is colored heavily in black ink creating a great tribal look while the hibiscus is tattooed and shaded with a pink tone that brings good contrast to the overall design. Nice tat!

"Foot Tattoos: Hibiscus and Turtle Tattoo" Tattoo, originally uploaded by Las Vegas Tattoos by Jon Poulson.
Honu with Hybiscus flower tattoo by Jon Poulson

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Tribal Butterflies

Cute tribal butterflies & a small tribal dragonfly tattoo.

"Tribal Butterflies" Tattoo originally uploaded by Diogo Araujo.

Serving Pervs

Bizarro is brought to you today by Nine Nekked Men.

This cartoon appeals to me not because I think that transvestites are perverts – what do I care what somebody wears?– but because it sort of represents the hypocrisy we've seen in the news lately.

Once again, politicians who had formerly been outspoken and very "Jesusy" about others for cheating on their wives have been caught cheating on their wives. A politician who was turned down for a federal judgeship by a Senate judiciary committee years ago for being a racist, is the ranking Republican on the committee reviewing Judge Sotomayor. And he is, of course, accusing her of being racist. Business as usual in Washington.

Back to transvestites, I'd much rather see a man dressed in drag than anyone dressed like this.

NOTE: Before the "what about Bill Clinton?" comments start pouring in, I'm not talking about politicians who cheat, I'm talking about politicians who use their religious beliefs as a cudgel and toss around terms like "family values" like a frisbee. Yes, Bill Clinton and many other Democrats have been cheating scum. The difference to my mind is that they don't whip up the religious right to vote for them by pretending to be otherwise. Just my opinion, not worth a nickle more than you paid for it.

Bizasso

Quick clarification: In the title panel for this past Sunday's cartoon, I made a stupid mistake, which is doubly bad because I made it once before. When I created this panel, I looked up the sign language alphabet to spell out "Bizarro." Evidently, I looked at the wrong sign for "R" and used the one for "S" instead, so my original title panel spelled out "Bizasso," a mistake brought to my attention by several readers back in March when I first used it. I corrected the drawing later and placed the revised version in my files for future use. But like a doofus, I forgot to remove the incorrect version.

Yesterday, I used the incorrect one again, and again it was pointed out to me by readers. Some people never learn.

Personal Hell

(Make the Cartoon BIG by clicking the devil)

This episode of Bizarro is brought to you by Rainy Day Fun.

My version of hell would be to stand in line to audition for a reality TV show. Standing in line for anything for more than ten minutes is grueling, add to that the sort of delusional would-be "stars" that a show like American Idol most certainly attracts and you've got a party only Lucifer could imagine. I have no idea how the show works, but I'm guessing that tens of thousands of people try out each year and the vast majority of them are less talented than my cousin Ricky, who had his accordion taken away by the local city council.

Strange Week

Bizarro is brought to you today by Summer Weather.

I've been getting a lot of emails and blog comments in the last couple of days about the cartoons of July 10 and 11. I drew these five or six weeks ago and I suppose I was having an ambiguous week. Sometimes I get experimental in subject matter, or humor, or color scheme, and even if it doesn't work for everyone, I think it keeps the feature fresh. For me, at least, which I think is important. If I get bored, it will show.

This cartoon about the happy family means nothing more than what it looks like. It's just funny to me. "Let's get started!" doing what? I don't know. What do happy, perfect families do at home at night? I don't know anyone who had one, so I've no experience to draw from.

When I was a child, my own family looked very normal from the outside, the quintessential Ozzy-and-Harriet dreamworld. And even though we ate dinner together every night, then settled in to watch TV, it was not the utopia pictured above.

Night after night, we were forced to watch industrial training films from the linoleum industry over and over again. To make certain we were paying attention, my mother shot live rounds over our heads. Dad watched from a dog cage under the dining room table, barking and panting like a Golden Retriever. One of my sisters was born with gills and lived in an oil drum full of water. Her splashing would spot the TV screen with rainbow dots of magnifying liquid.

Maybe this cartoon was just therapy for me.

REGARDING YESTERDAY'S CARTOON: A few people have complained that suicide isn't funny. I agree, I lost a good friend to suicide. But humor of this kind is a uniquely human practice and serves a valuable purpose for us. To find humor in what scares or horrifies us gives us a psychological edge over the tragedy. This kind of humor has existed in human cultures for as long as we've been writing things down.

Some time ago, I promised a reader I would not picture suicide in my cartoons for the very reason that some of you were offended, and I've kept to that. But I think a cartoon such as this one is so far fetched and the reader is left to wonder/assume what has happened to the woman, that it does not strike the same chord. To me, anyway. One person accused me of being sexist because the cartoon insinuates that all men want when they come home from work is sex from their woman. This cartoon is not about what men want when they come home from work, but that if a man comes home from work and sees his partner's clothing spread seductively in a trail across the floor, 99% of them are going to think of sex. Either she is seducing him, or she has already seduced someone else. It's not insulting, its human nature.

Tattoo Sleeves

Awesome tattoo sleeves high quality work, very detailed design overall.

"Tattoo Sleeves" Tattoo, originally uploaded by skeletonandkey.
The one on the left side (my right arm) is Christy Brooker at Artcore Studios in Seattle, Washington. Christy completed this sleeve at the beginning of December 2008, almost exactly one year since she had started. As you can tell in this photo, it all looks very new and I still have some Burt's Bees Hand Salve on it.

The one on the right side (my left arm) is Victor Policheri from when he was working at Apocalypse Tattoo in Seattle, Washington. We started it in, I want to say the end of 2004 or maybe early 2005, and completed it 2 years later.

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Vampire Bite Tattoo

"Vampire Bite Tattoo" Tattoo, originally uploaded by Las Vegas Tattoos by Jon Poulson.
Vampire Bite Tattoo by Jon Poulson

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Nude Diving

Bizarro is brought to you today by Moth Lingerie.

I normally blog about my cartoons a week after they have run in the paper, but I've decided to bump this one up in the queue because I've gotten a lot email about it.

The cartoon is meant to be a guy coming home from work and, seeing the trail of clothing, assumes his wife wants to have sex. Instead, she has jumped out the window, presumably to her death.

I didn't realize there would be so many ways to interpret this, but I've heard plenty. Some excerpts:

"Are they his clothes and he can't wait to put them on and then sneak out the window?"

"Is his wife some kind of naked Superwoman?"

"Is his naked wife trying to lure him to the fire escape so he'll be blown up by the TNT on the sofa?"

"There seems to be a syringe on the sofa pillow. Did his wife get high and then jump out the window naked, thinking she could fly?"

More than a few people asked about the firecracker on the sofa pillow wondering if it figured into the joke, a couple thought it was a syringe. If you are among those readers who have never noticed, I hide little symbols like that in virtually all my comics for no good reason. The current list is: Firecracker/dynamite, eyeball, pie, alien, bunny, K2, upside down bird, a man's loafer, a fish tail, a crown, and the exceedingly rare arrow in the back. The number above the signature tells you how many symbols to look for, a la Al Hirschfeld.

That should clear up the mystery. I now return you to a nation mourning the death of Michael Jackson.

Armor vs. Reebok

Today's Bizarro is brought to you be People Puppies.

When I see a movie in which ancient warriors are whacking away at each other with 15 lbs. swords, in heavy armor and skirts and sandals, I always imagine how easy it would be to defeat them if you had a pair of good, modern running shoes and a lightweight sword. While they are struggling in slow motion under the weight of their equipment, just run around behind them and stab them in the ass.

If you're now saying "But Dan, since you're traveling back in time with modern athletic shoes, why not just bring a gun, too?" shut up right now. This is my fantasy, and I want it to be at least a little bit fair. Any ape with a trigger finger can defeat pre-gun opponents if they're wielding a gun. Where's the honor in that?

If you're now saying, "But Dan, where is the honor in any fight against ancient people with whom you have no quarrel? Aren't you just trying to say, 'look how smart I am with my fast modern shoes and lighter weapon? Don't you feel silly now in all that gigantic, macho armor? Who's the tough guy now?' " didn't I just tell you to shut up?

Twitter and Twits

Bizarro is brought to you today by Gifted Equines.

I don't Twitter yet – or Tweet, or Twit – but I'm told I should. I can't remember anything else ever sweeping the globe as quickly as this thing has. A year ago, I don't know that I'd even heard of Twitter, now I can't watch five minutes of the news without someone mentioning it. As well as millions of average nobodies like you and me, celebs, polititicians, terrorists, and who-knows-who else is Tweeting. Here's a random sample from this morning:

Demi Moore..."Ashton is playing with his Hot Wheels on the living room floor again and some of my lady friends are coming over for bridge soon!"

John McCain..."Okay, I confess, I'm a young guy hired to make McCain look hip. He's sleeping in the back seat of the limo again."

Pope Benedict XVI..."Damn, these masses are long. I get hungry. Thank God I thought to stash some bratwurst and beer in my big tall hat."

Okay, I admit that last one was made up. The pope likely is Tweeting, but I doubt any of them are about bratwurst or beer. More likely, he sends out hourly reminders for people not to use contraception or to let their women get too much authority.

Speaking of which, Sarah Palin has been batting 1000 lately. Man, what a media train wreck she is. Her "Quitters Are Losers And I'm No Loser So I'm Quitting The Governorship" speech led me to create the following image. Hope you like it. If you don't recognize the reference, watch this.

The Devil, You Say?

Bizarro is brought to you today by Pure Evil.

This cartoon resulted in a lot of emails from readers, as I suspected it would. The majority loved the cartoon because they hate Cheney, but a few folks are among the dozen-or-so Americans who still support the Dick and wrote to register their complaints.

Some people just wrote asking what this cartoon means. Apparently, there are a lot of folks who are not familiar with the expression that has become popular with some Christian teens: WWJD? (What Would Jesus Do?)

This slogan is the latest in a couple thousand years of attempts at keeping youngsters out of trouble and away from sex. When you're all worked up and pulling at the buttons of your clothing, you're supposed to ask yourself, "What would Jesus do if He were here in this situation?"

Well, Michael, Jesus wouldn't be in the back seat of his Hyundai on top of Jessica from Algebra class in the first place, He'd be standing on a downtown street corner shouting at passers-by, so you're on your own.

Trying to fight teenage lust with religious guilt is like trying to stay dry in a hurricane with an umbrella. In both cases, it makes more sense to pass out the raincoats and weather the storm.

NOTE: Just for giggles, here's an image I created before the 2004 "elections."

Dragon Tease

(View this cartoon in LifesizeDragonColor! by clicking the behemoth's eyeballs with your mouse thingy.)

Today's Bizarro is brought to you by Misunderstood Pets.

If you are a regular reader of my humble graphic musings, you will recognize that this is one of the rare occasions on which I have told a story in sequential form. Even more rare is the fact that it is without words, but for one minor exception. More rare still, is that when cut out of the newspaper or printed out of your computer and folded properly, it becomes a picture of Bay Watch's David Hasselhoff balancing on the dome of St. Peter's Basilica in Rome. The addition of a pink Tic Tack in just the right place, makes it looks as though he is nude.

For more about David Hasselhoff and scary reptiles, go here.

Happy and Erect Fourth!

Bizarro is brought to you today by the Phallic Police.

I'm not a doctor, but I saw one on TV. So I feel fully qualified to say that I'll bet 90% of so-called "erectile dysfunction" is caused by poor blood circulation brought on by fat in the viens caused by a crappy diet. We eat garbage and too much of it, then complain because it ruins our bodies, then drug companies design a work-around so you can have your chili cheese fries and boner, too. Until you drop dead, of course.

So instead, let's address Independence Day. I was fortunate to grow up in a less civilized place and time when it was both legal and socially acceptable to hand a grocery bag full of explosives to a child and send him outside to play. My siblings, cousins, friends and I did this each year, blowing up our toys, the local flora, items from the trash, and occasionally each other. Sure, an occasional finger or eye was sacrificed to "independence," but what good is a democracy without some wounded veterans?

As teens we graduated to bottle rocket fights, which entailed making a "gun" by attaching a handle of some kind to a piece of plastic pipe, loading a bottle rocket into the pipe, lighting it, pointing it at your opponent, and laughing as they ducked the airborne incendiary. Large groups of us would go to an industrial park or gravel pit, divide up into two armies and shoot at each other till we ran out of ammo. Casualties were anonymously deposited on their parents' front porch and most people just chalked it up to another teen lost to the cause of freedom.

Now, thanks to the godless, homosexual girlyman liberals, there are laws against explosives inside city limits and children are not allowed to leave the house without safety helmets and proof of insurance. I wonder how we expect to defend our way of life in the future if youngsters are not accustomed to working with explosives.

I never thought I'd live to see this day (with my one good eye.)

Tiger Lily Tattoo

Flower tattoos for the most part are commonly preferred mostly by women, they are one of the most popular designs among tattoos. There are a wide array of flower designs to choose from ranging from the common rose tattoos, the hibiscus flower a Hawaiian traditional design and many others including the "lily flowers". A tiger lily flower tattoo as the one pictured below can be a great design to choose for a flower tattoo. It is a flower that can be loved purely for its beauty and attractiveness. It has gorgeous flower petals with a beautiful assortment of exotic colors, many people particularly women simply can't stop admiring its charm and appealingness.
What does a lily symbolize?

Some meanings that represent the the lily flower include purity, majesty, innocence, wealth and pride.Those that reflect the meaning of the tiger lily flower could be pride or prosperity and the words "I dare you to love me" can also be attached to the meaning of the tiger lily.

"Tiger Lily Tattoo" Tattoo, originally uploaded by loki13.
This is my submission for Project 365: Week Thirteen - Yellow.

I got this tattoo on my upper arm and shoulder in spring 2005. It depicts a tiger lily flanked by two roses with faces inside. The design is loosely inspired by the living garden scene in Through the Looking Glass.

Custom tattoo by Dave Knight at PSC Tattoo in Montreal.

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Menu of Death

Bizarro is brought to you today by Abstinence.

We all spend at least a little time wondering what certain types of death are like. They say drowning isn't as bad as it sounds because you pass out rather quickly, your brain being unable to open your mouth and take in water. Still sounds terrifying to me. Freezing to death is also said to be merciful because you "just fall asleep." But I hate to be cold. What about all those hours or days of misery before you fall asleep?

Beheading seems quick and almost merciful, but I wonder. How long does your brain stay conscious after separation? It's got to be at least a few seconds, right? Are your last thoughts and sights that of being upside down in a basket? Does your neck hurt? If someone picked your head up really fast and turned it toward your body, would you be able to see it?

The most peaceful death would be an overdose of sleeping pills, I suppose. But I also think I would not mind having my head blown off by surprise. Sounds terrible, I know, but let's say I'm walking down the street, whistling a happy tune, I spot an attractive lady in a short skirt carrying a cute puppy and I smile, then my hat explodes. What do I care?

I have often said that if there is ever a major nuclear attack within 500 miles of me, I want to be at ground zero. I'd much rather go up in a flash of light and be done with it than die slowly of radiation poisoning or spend a couple of years in a basement with god-knows-who, eating god-knows-what, wondering WTF? I would rather die than live in a world like that.

Of course, I feel the same way about a Sarah Palin presidency.

Sailor Jerry Dragon Tattoo

Here is a "Sailor Jerry" old school design featuring a small dragon tattoo.

"Sailor Jerry Dragon Tattoo" Tattoo, originally uploaded by Tattoo Tom.
Here is a closeup of the Sailor Jerry Flash design of a dragon on my shoulder.

Tattoo by Terri Morgan, Socal Tattoo, San Pedro, California. Tattoo was just done on 01/24/07.

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Lotus Flowers & Butterfly Tattoo

Back tattoo design of purple lotus flowers and butterfly tattoo.

"Lotus Flowers & Butterfly Tattoo" Tattoo, originally uploaded by red bunny.

Technorati Tags: tattoo,tattoos, tattoo ideas, tattoo designs, tatoos, tattos

Help a Brother Out?

I'm a regular columnist for VegNews magazine, writing a column in each issue about the humorous side of vegetarianism and veganism called "Plant-Based Piraro." Once each year, the magazine sponsors a vote for readers' favorite this-and-that.

If you want to help a great cause, go to this page and vote for the following two nominees in these two categories:
Best Animal Sanctuary....Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary
Best Column...Plant-Based Piraro (sample article from last year here)

You have to cycle through the categories to find those two, along the way you can vote for whatever you wish, of course, or nothing. Whatever suits you. At the end, they'll ask for your email address and name, if you provide it you'll be entered to win some prizes, but it isn't necessary if you prefer to remain anonymous.

Thanks, kids. You're "phat," "stoopid" and "sick."

Cunninglinguist

Bizarro is brought to you today by Racist Sexist Sausage.

This cartoon doesn't make literal sense, really, but it amuses me nonetheless. "Nonetheless" is an odd word, created by shoving together three words that people said regularly to make a single word. Other examples are "furthermore," "therefore," and "notwithstanding." Seems kind of random.

Why have we not done this with Iloveyou? Or soanyway? Or yourenotgonnabelievethis, howhaveyoubeen, yourekiddingme, getoffofme, wheresmydamngun, or howmanytimesdoIhavetotellyouIamnotgay?

I don't speak German, but I've heard that language does this a lot.

Untilnexttime...

One Man's Pants, Another Man's Pariah

Bizarro is brought to you today by Athletes in Love.

I've long been amazed by baggy pants fashion. When it first began (back in the early nineties?), I laughed and felt secure in my predictions that it would not last very long. Apparently, I'm no Nostradamus.

As open minded as I like to think I am, I cannot even pretend to understand it. First and foremost, it is uncomfortable to have one's pants falling down all the time. At the very least, you've got to constantly hold them up somehow or you'll trip over them, and god forbid you should have to take off running. It is the sole reason belts and suspenders were invented, for instance. So you could run away and have both hands free for waiving frantically in the air. I am reminded of a scene from a movie I saw once where an outhouse was set afire while a person was in mid-business. He burst out of the door at top speed but only made it a few feet before his chin hit the ground.

Apart from the inconvenience of having to monitor your pants falling off is the obvious ludicrousness of it being the "style" to show your underwear. What has for centuries been the cliche nightmare of people the night before a public speaking engagement, is suddenly the height of cool. When did this happen, exactly? Was I out of the country?

I've done a few cartoons over the years about this topic but I'm still not tired of it. Fifteen years after the trend began, guys are still hobbling around New York City like bowlegged penguins, trying to keep their gigantic pants from falling below their knees, so I'm still drawing cartoons about it. But just when I thought I'd seen the most absurd trend my cockamamie species could possibly concoct, I discovered a behavior even more ridiculous: the passing of laws against it. Apparently, some communities are actually fining and jailing people for a fashion. I won't argue that baggy pants and exposed underwear is an eyesore, but verboten by law? What part of the world do we live in again?

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm not saying I'm a big fan of really tight pants, either, just so you know.

Gladness

This special Prodigal Son Edition of Bizarro is brought to you by Omnipotent Shipping.

Just got back late last night from the family reunion/wedding in my home state of Oklahoma. It was a harrowing adventure fraught with missed connections, misdirected luggage, airline incompetence, an auto accident, and a roach motel in Memphis whose airport shuttle driver is a former NYC pimp. The family events were even scarier. More about that in the days to come, after I catch up on a deadline or two.

For now, here is a tasty little morsel of cartooning that I hope you enjoy. This isn't one of my preachy environmental cartoons, it's just an amusing visual about what what will happen to all those tiny islands we cartoonists draw in those stranded-on-a-desert-island cartoons we are so fond of, if indeed the sea level rises.

This is a scientifically researched and accurate representation of such a scenario; tiny islands would disappear beneath the surface of the sea. Trees would pierce the surface in many instances, appearing to float. Caption balloons, being attached to their orator by the laws of graphics, would be at least partially obscured.

Climate Change will be as devastating to humor as it will be to flora and fauna.

Harley Davidson Logo Tattoo

For the bikers and motorcycle fans out there. Harley Davidson tattoos provide a great way to show your passion for motorcycles. It has always been a favorite tattoo design among bikers and motorcycle enthusiast. In this picture it shows a forearm tattoo of the very popular Harley Davidson Logo. Designs of the "Harley Tattoos" are sometimes implemented with the American eagle a symbolic symbol for freedom.

"Harley Davidson Logo Tattoo" Tattoo, originally uploaded by Jim Skea.
Hoje de madrugada, na prorrogação depois do mitápi no Rio.

Afonso, com fundo preto
---
In the wee hours of this morning, after the Rio fotologger meetup.

Afonso On Black

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Tribal Sun Tattoo

Great design of a Tribal Sun Tattoo done on the arms.
;
"Tribal Sun Tattoo" Tattoo, originally uploaded by Kitenutuk.
my second tattoo designed by a freind for me to symbolise the birth of my son

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Body Snatchers

Today's Bizarro is brought to you by Eight Dead Pop Stars.

So Jacko is dead. I've done a few Michael Jackson cartoons and posts over the years and I was no kinder to him than any other humorist. I've always felt sorry for him, though, he was obviously a supremely talented kid driven mad by a strange life and family.

Preliminary rumblings are that his death was a result of prescription drug abuse. That stuff will wear on your body and a heart attack is a classic result. As Keith Richards well knows, home-grown drugs are a lot safer than some of the poisons that Big Pharm puts out. (Although there are unsubstantiated reports that Keith Richards has been dead for years and that the copious amounts of drugs in him are only creating the appearance of life.)

More surprising than his death was how much of the news cycle this story has and still is devouring. I personally think that few people short of a figure of national political importance deserves so many hours of non-stop reporting. There was nothing to report in the end, other than that he was famous, he was relatively young, he died. I sympathize with the news anchors who had to stay on the air hour after hour and think of things to say. It must have been excruciating and exhausting.

One person who is undoubtedly happy about this news is Governor Mark Sanford, who's own public insanity has been bumped from the headlines for now.

I was born seven weeks after Michael Jackson in 1958, I can't help but wonder if I'll be dead of a heart attack seven weeks from now. The fact that I have not abused my body for most of my adult life with eating disorders, elective surgery, prescription drugs, and god-knows-what-else will likely work in my favor in this regard. I hope so, anyway.

NOTE: I'm off for a few days to a family reunion and wedding and won't be posting until Tuesday of next week. Have a great weekend, mi amigos.

Rock the Fro

Bizarro is brought to you today by Rapunzel's Grandson.
I miss the afro. In 1975, when I was up to my eyeballs in high school, afros were the rage for all blacks and the small handful of whites who could pull it off. Having naturally very curly hair, I was one of those lucky crackers who could rock the 'fro.

I remember having a crush on a black girl at school who was a year older (so I had no chance with her) and had a giant afro. She was beautiful and probably had the personality of an angel. I don't know for sure, because the only time I ever spoke to her was when she asked to touch my 'fro, and not much was said.

"Can I touch yo' 'fro?"
(Gulp) "Sure."
"Ooh, it so sof'."

This was a common request for black girls at my school and I was always more than happy to comply. As a kid who was too shy to talk to girls he was attracted to, my hair was like carrying a puppy around and waiting for women to go nuts over it.

Oddly enough, I owed their compulsion to touch my hair on the very thing our school was sworn to combat – racism. At that time, the early seventies, Tulsa was still a very segregated community, with the blacks all living and shopping on the north side of town, and the whites on the south. It was the era of court-ordered busing, and in order to fend off the courts, Tulsa opted for a voluntarily integrated magnet school program. My alma mater, Booker T. Washington High School (GO HORNETS!) was among the first such schools in the country and I was among the first class of whites to attend there when it opened.

I say that I owed my luck with black chicks to racism because the reason they were compelled to touch my hair was because most had never seen a white person with an afro and none had ever touched one. They were amazed at how soft my hair was, African-American hair is typically much drier and more bristly. The term "afro" is short for African, of course, so it was a misnomer to call mine that. I should have called it an "italo," since my Italian heritage gives me the curls, or at the very least a "euro," which was still more than a decade away from being a monetary unit.

My hairline is too compromised to raise a good "italo" now, the most I would get is one of those bushy-on-the-sides, fuzzy on top things like Art Garfunkel used to wear. A "garfo."

So here's to the afro. I'd love it if Obama brought one back to the first head and wore this T-shirt to press conferences.

DISTRESSING NEWS

I just found out that the Kansas City Star is running a comics poll, asking readers which features they should get rid of. That's cool, people do that all the time and I usually fare well. But in this case, they start by saying, here is a list of ten comics we think suck, pick your five least favorite so we can know which ones to kill.

Ouch. How the hell did Bizarro get on a list with B.C., Beetle Bailey, For Better or for Worse, Cathy, Mark Trail, Marmaduke, Real Life Adventures, Shoe, Wizard of Id? I'm really offended by this. Most of these features aren't even written or drawn by the original creators anymore.

Anyway, if you want to put in your 2 cents, one way or the other, here is the link:
http://www.kansascity.com/851/story/1266665.html

I'll let you know how it turns out.

My Ass and Yours

Bizarro is brought to you today by Budget Colonoscopy.

Now that I'm 50, I'm supposed to periodically pay a stranger to probe my rectum with a garden hose. I'm referring to what the strangers in this business call a "colonoscopy," of course. Yes, it can save your life, but yes, it can also give you nightmares for years. Plus, it is expensive.

It would be hard enough to force myself to make this appointment and do all the revolting things necessary to achieve the "end" result, if it were free. (Like eating nothing the day before, drinking sludge to make you poop like a rabid camel for 24 hours, jet propulsion-strength farting and pooping after the garden hose is removed, etc.) But on top of the insult and injury involved, they also insist you pay them large quantities of money.

Since I'm self employed, I have no discount health insurance plan through work, so I'm forced to pay these things out of my own pocket at insurance-company prices, or pay the equivalent of a luxury car payment to an insurance company every month just in case I one day need it. It's legalized extortion.

I'm rooting for Obama's universal health care thingy, but I'm not holding my breath over it. That activity is reserved for hoping I don't have butt cancer. Lifelong vegans virtually never get colon cancer, but I've only been eating that way since 2002. Apparently all the carcasses I consumed for the previous 40+ years can have a residual effect and literally come back to bite me on the ass.

Since this was a fairly dark posting, here is a funny picture to pick you up.

Lip Brush With Fame

On occasion I get mistaken for Elvis Costello by people who don't really know what Elvis Costello looks like. They see glasses and a hat and figure I must be him. But now it will be an even more frequent nuisance, because Elvis is sporting a mustache. Damn that look-stealing limey. What next? A cigar?













He has even fashioned his hairline to look like mine, as evidenced in this photo of him doffing his hat at the end of Conan O'Brien's show last night.















For anyone interested in how to accurately tell the difference between myself and Costello in the wild, I offer this brief list of defining characteristics:

1. His hair is longer and wavy, mine is very short
2. The brims of his hats are larger than mine
3. His clothing is expensive, mine is mostly from resale shops and smells of cigars
4. He has Diana Krawl on his arm, I have CHNW (personally, I think I come out ahead on this one)
5. I am the one occasionally mistaken for Elvis Costello, he is the one never mistaken for me.

White Ink Tattoo

"White Ink Tattoo" Tattoo, originally uploaded by Rebecca-VT.

Chinese character symbol tattooed in white ink .The meaning of the symbol is "To travel" or "Journey".; This is my 3rd tattoo, and my first white ink tattoo. It is only about 24 hours old in this photo, so it's still raised and crusty looking. So far, it seems to be healing nicely, and is a nice bright white. I hope it stays that way! This was the first white tattoo the artist has done (which should have made me run away), but he's been doing it professionally for over 20 years. It's small enough to cover up if it ends up a disaster!

Technorati Tags: tattoo,tattoos, tattoo ideas, tattoo designs, tatoos, tattos

Father's Day

(How big can you make this cartoon? Click the Wolverine's beer label and find out!)

Bizarro on this day is brang to youse by Power Urination.

Regular readers of this blog will recall that I posted this cartoon a few weeks ago beneath a link, but did not include the caption. (I'd link to that now, but I can't find it.) Anyway, I mentioned in that previous post that I thought it was regrettable that this cartoon would run on Father's Day, when it is about men who are estranged from their families. It was completely unintentional.

My Sunday cartoons are drawn about six weeks ahead, so sometime in mid-March I drew the cartoon, inked it, colored it, got it all ready to submit to King Features, then looked on my calendar to see what date was next. Turned out it was Father's Day but by that time it was too late to replace it with something less pointed.

So I'd like to apologize to any estranged fathers out there who found this cartoon to be painful. I got divorced in the mid-nineties when my daughters were 9 and 14, so I know it can be tough. On the bright side, it probably isn't a tough as being a huge, blue furry guy with a face like a baboon's ass. So count your blessings.

As for my own Father's Day, 2009 – My two daughters called and said, "HFD," I called my dad and said, "HFD," he said it back, then I went to work in my garden. For once, it only rained HALF the day, so it was a rousing success by recent standards and I enjoyed it thoroughly. No decorations, no gifts, no songs written for the occasion, no TV specials, no obligatory parties...my kind of holiday!

Pedestrians of Note

(For the making of a larger cartoon with the easier reading, click the third toe of the fourth foot from the left.)

Today's Bizarro cartoon is sponsored by Baby Man.

This cartoon was inspired by the ugly building that is going up across the street from Bizarro International Headquarters here in Brooklyn. There used to be a charming, old, three-story red brick warehouse from the late 19th century, but the owner tore it down and is erecting a hideous condo building. If the architecture were at least interesting or tasteful I would not mind so much, but the monstrosity he is erecting will be twice as tall as the old building and utterly odious. A couple of floors are finished, and now that I can see the "style" of the building, I pray for the 50-foot woman to stomp it into dust. Or Godzilla, though he does not have a skirt up which I could look from my vantage point across the street. (Of course, a 50-foot woman probably has an 8-foot "schnootzer," and that might be even more frightening than Godzilla.)

I know the man who owns the land and he is a nice enough guy. But he's one of these people who hasn't an ounce of interest in asthetics. To him, "a building's a building." When a person doesn't even recognize the difference between an ugly building and a beautiful one when it is pointed out and explained, as I once did for him, you don't have much of a chance.

Of course, at this very moment, he may be writing on his blog that he knows a guy who doesn't recognize a huge profit margin even when it is pointed out and explained, and that my investment portfolio is odious.

The obvious difference is that I am not erecting a six-story reminder of my lack of financial skills across the street from his home.

Pursuit of Paradise

Bizarro is brought to you today by Parenting Made Simple.

Yes, it is a political cartoon I have posted here.
No, I do not feel like getting all political today.

Instead, let's talk about the weather. Here at Bizarro International Headquarters in New York City, it has been raining most of the time for weeks. The entire month of June was shot to hell by rain and colder-than-average temperatures. I feel like I'm trapped in Garcia Marquez's One Hundred Years of Solitude. I really must move to the tropics somewhere. Problem is, they don't have a New York City anywhere down there.

I have tried wishing that the Dutch had built NYC somewhere in the Caribbean, but it doesn't change history and I'm still stuck in colder climes. In the end, it comes down to my deciding what is more important to me: culture or climate?

I lived and traveled in the south for several decades before I moved to NYC, so I have plenty of experience from which to make my decision. Even with the hot, sunny weather I crave, the general cultural and political attitudes of the southern U.S. do not suit me. In fact, at times they depress me as much as the weather in NY, especially now that I have known what it is like to live here, in a liberal, creative, open-minded, international community. And though I adore more exotic places like Central America and the Caribbean, they are too small and rural to quench my desire for the big city.

This makes it an easy decision. Culture is more important than weather, the way personality is more important than looks when choosing a spouse. Though both must be in the right ballpark, a great personality and average looks go much further in a relationship than a beautiful exterior wrapped around a sock puppet. If you can find both, as I have in CHNW, you are doubly blessed. (Just checking to see if she is reading my blogs. I'll let you know in a few days.)

There are two answers to my pathetic, meaningless, spoiled white-collar dilemma: become wealthy enough to have another home in a warmer place where I can spend the winters, find a way to embrace the weather in NYC and stop being a whiny brat.

I think we all know which of those choices is available to me.

FURTHER: I left the West Coast out of this mix because although I like San Francisco as much as NYC, it tends not to be any hotter or sunnier in most ways. I love the weather in L.A., but not the city. San Diego is too conservative, and that's pretty much all the big cities to choose from. Seattle and Vancouver seem cool, but the same weather problems. Such a whiner.

Flower Tattoos, Hawaiian Hibiscus Flower

"Flower Tattoo" Tattoo originally uploaded by Tattoo Colors Hawaiian tattoo design of a hibiscus flower and the Hawaii Islands. The hibiscus is one of the most popular among flower tattoos.The island is tattooed in tribal designs of patterns that are very unique to the Polynesian cultures. Technorati Tags: tattoo,tattoos, tattoo ideas, tattoo designs, flower tattoos, flower tattoo designs